Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
