i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Randomize