be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
