I need help removing her.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
