Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
