I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
3pm strippers are depressing
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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