Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
