so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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