dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize