He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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