yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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