sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
