We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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