apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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