im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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