Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
