my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
