If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
