my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
