No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
