First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
