I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
