youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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