Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
