Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
