I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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