what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I want a musical about memes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
