So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
