How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
