There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize