My room smells like vodka and shame
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
