you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
