Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
