what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
