we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
