I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
