An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
