how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
