u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
