i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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