Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
