if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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