the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
