Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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