his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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