Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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