I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
