Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
