So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
