I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
