Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
