it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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