I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
