I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
