So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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