I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
