her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
