I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize