This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
