omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize