She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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