I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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