Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
