Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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