Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
