i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
