ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize