I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
